10 Hobbies to Ruin Your Relationship
Pick something up before Valentine's Day.
Your late 20s are the time when you should learn what’s a hobby you’re going to be comfortable with. Hopefully, at this point you’ve settled down with someone that you’re either going to marry or be with for an extended period of time. Even better you’re probably going to end up moving in with each other. Once you’ve found the person that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, next you need to find the way you’re going to occupy your time when you’re either bored or home alone.
So many people find hobbies that they very quickly drop. It’s incredibly easy to drop all of your money on the gear for some expensive activity, like mountain bike riding, and you should. Find the most expensive version of your hobby, and throw yourself in on the deep end, before you figure out if you actually like it or not.
Below, I’ve compiled a list of hobbies that you can begin to truly annoy the hell out of your partner.
Drumming
First of all, a drum set is huge. Even if you’re some sort of multi-millionaire with tons of space, the sound quality of the drums is going to make you know that they’re present. Unless you soundproof the room that you’re playing the drums in, your partner is going to hear you play.
Drumming is also incredibly easy. All you need is a sense of rhythm, and everyone has that, especially me. Can you clap your hands? Then you can play the drums. Do you spend your time watching old videos of John Bonham and Travis Barker? Drumming is for you! Have you seen those sick videos of like Lars Ulrich playing along to Taylor Swift for the first time? I love those videos. Someday, that’s going to be you flexing your genius on the internet.
Legos
Your partner may think that your hobby of building Lego sets is cute and crafty to start, but it’s not going to last. Once you star blowing money on Millennium Falcons, Hogwarts castles, and Empire State Buildings, the money is only going to be the start of your worries. You’re going to run out of room to store your creations or you’re going to have to disassemble them, which is only going to make you resent your partner. But, they are right when they say that Lego creations aren’t proper home décor. Ultimately though, it’s really going to hit the fan when someone steps on a brick.
DJ-ing
Self-explanatory.
Organized Crime
Did you watch Goodfellas or The Sopranos and take away the message that being a gangster looks fun and cool? Well, not only do you have poor cinematic literacy, but you’re also going to make a terrible decision to ruin not only your life, but your relationship. Sure, it’s going to start fun, you’re going to have a little extra cash, you’ll be able to get a table without a reservation at an expensive restaurant, your partner is going to get some expensive jewelry that fell off a truck.
Still, it’s all going to eventually blow up in your face. You may start indulging too much in illicit substances. You’re not as well-connected as you think (you’re not even Italian), so the law is going to catch up. Your girlfriend isn’t going to be fond of your goomah, that’s for sure. If you end up getting whacked, she may even say that you had it coming.
Experimental Artwork
Sure, it sounds fun that you’re going to start painting pictures, but soon, you’re going to get unsatisfied, and you’re going to want to push your boundaries. What went from simple pencil sketches is elevating to easels, and you’re spilling the paint on the floor. It doesn’t matter if you’re painting a masterpiece, now you’re making a mess in the corner of the bedroom.
Now, painting simple landscapes isn’t enough. Now, you want to be Jackson Pollock. Now, it’s not the occasional drip or spill, you’re throwing paint around the bedroom, and there’s no way you’re getting your security deposit back. But wait, maybe you can be a sculptor. Maybe you can make it out of collected trash, but now your apartment is loaded with crap, and you don’t know what to do with it. You can’t move around, but you’ll probably be moving out soon.
Podcasting
You and your friends are hilarious when you’re telling inside jokes to each other. Why not let the public in on your private conversations? When you realize that your hilarious anecdotes about after work drinks and in-depth dissections of 30 year old TV shows hasn’t connected, you can just start airing out your dirty laundry within your friendships and relationship. That’s exactly what the public wants. You’re sure to be the next Rogan or Call Her Daddy. You’ll definitely get picked up by Barstool in the next year.
Now, podcasting has evolved a lot since Marc Maron, Bill Simmons, and many more starting making their marks. While a lot of people still listen to the audio, it’s hard to really have a breakout without video. Since you’re sure that you’re going to be a hit, you should sink a few grand into getting fancy video equipment, convert the corner of your bedroom into a studio with those fancy microphones, and a green screen background. Since you’re going to make it big in the podcast market, stop making time for dates with your partner, unless you can record it for tens of listeners to enjoy.
Sports Betting
Self-explanatory.
Obscure sports
Look, you could join some amateur league and play softball with a few people in the park. Maybe shoot around at the local basketball court. But, no, you’re much more interesting than those people who like games that everyone else in America does. You need something interesting. You’re going to become the best cornhole player in America. At least you can drink while playing your sport. If you want a little more adrenaline, why don’t you try extreme unicycling?
While with your normal sports, you could easily go find someone who will throw a ball around with you, maybe pitch. You could even shoot a basketball around on an empty court. Not if you take up fencing. You’re going to be swinging a sword around in your apartment, while listening to Mozart. You can start working on your extreme pogo tricks inside the house, and it’s all going to be fun and games, until your partner gets sick of the strange looks you get as a grown adult pogo-sticking in the park.
Fun Conspiracies
Look, if you fall down the QAnon rabbit hole, it’s over for you pal. You’re entirely on your own. If you get disowned, that’s on you. To be honest, even if you take up something like becoming an Avril Lavigne truther or a “Paul is Dead” head, you’re walking a thin tight rope, where you’re probably going to be talking about elites downing adrenochrome in no time. It might start cutesy and fun with UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster, but all roads lead down to being crazy.
Even if you never get hooked into some of the darker conspiracies, those silly and fun theories are going to start to consume your life. Your partner doesn’t want to take another expensive trip to the Himalayas to search for the Abominable Snowman. Your weird art of cryptids may have been endearing for a little, but they’re tired of explaining what the Jersey Devil is to their loved ones.
Standup Comedy
Everything in my life has demonstrated this fact to me.