The Case for No Vacancy

Free mini-series idea.

I’ve been thinking a lot about fictional music lately. I’ve been trying to compose a playlist for an upcoming episode of my podcast (which you can listen to on Apple and Spotify), and I find it to be a travesty that the School of Rock soundtrack isn’t available for streaming. Sure, you can stream the Broadway cast recording of the stage musical, but you can’t find Jack Black wailing how “2 and 2 make 5” anywhere on a streaming service.

This feels dumb, because this was a beloved movie by children around my age, but School of Rock changed my life. It made me want to play in bands, write songs, and all that bullshit. It made me fall in love with AC/DC and Zeppelin, which would send me down all sorts of spirals and paths to the piece of emo trash writing this newsletter.

While I still love this movie and can recite every line of it, my opinion has shifted on the real heroes and villains. For example: Those parents were right to be mad that Dewey Finn conned their kids into playing a battle of the bands, when they pay $15,000 [!!] a year for that school. Sarah Silverman did the right thing by telling Dewey’s dorky roommate that he needed to demand that he pay his share of the rent.

This leads me to my largest gripe about the soundtrack not being on streaming sites: Why can’t I jam to some No Vacancy? If you don’t remember, No Vacancy was the band that Jack Black was in at the beginning of the movie, who kicked him out for a guy who only owns the shoulders and arms of a leather jacket.

Realistically, kicking Dewey out of the band was the right move for the band, because they wanted to sell out with Creed-style ballads (cue: “Heal Me, I’m Heartsick”). Revisiting this song today, I’m kind of embarrassed by how much I used to like it. It sounds like the song that Roger in Rent should have written instead of “Your Eyes,” although it’s not much better. I also can’t tell if I only think this only because the band’s vocalist is played by Adam Pascal, who originated the role on Broadway (and in the film).

Apparently this song was written by the lead singer of Dischord veterans Shudder to Think, and while they were signed to a cool label, the fact that their lead singer wrote this sappy butt-rock ballad makes plenty of sense, now that I’ve listened to this.

That being said, I am in favor of a gritty School of Rock prequel series, that follows No Vacancy (a lá Z-Rock). This is all because the film’s opening song is a barnburner. It’s a completely serviceable hard rock song (written by The Vandals’ Warren Fitzgerald). I want to hear more from these guys, not the “heeeaal me. I’m heart siiick in A-minor G” guys. Pin Jack Black against a moody frontman, and you’ve got a fun mini-series.